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Monday, May 31, 2010

Bad Me

I'm really sorry. It feels pretty weird to go so long without a blog post. I haven't even told what my last lie was from a Two Truths and a Lie a while ago. To be honest, I probably won't do it tomorrow either so hopefully next Tuesday. Things got a little bit busy around here, and then at the worst possible moment my Logic Board (or something like that related to graphics and video) on my laptop went out. I freaked out, I cried, I drove to the Apple store and left my baby (no, not my redheaded baby. My silver technology baby). Then I panicked some more and downloaded a trial of Photoshop CS5 on Jake's computer, got a few other free trials of actions, and made a workflow up so that I could keep editing and not freak out completely. So after a little while of feeling like I'd need to be committed to an institution if any of my other technology broke (did I mention that I had to have my phone replaced because it decided to freak out on me too?), I'm back in the swing of things.

And being back in the swing of things has made me think about things not related to business. Reconnecting with a few old friends has really made me miss the happy-go-lucky girl that I used to be. I know there's a big difference in being a mommy vs. being me in college after just turning 21. But I've realized that I've turned into a grumpy person; not all the time, and I definitely don't let it interfere with my work, but I'm definitely much more grumpy than I used to be. I know I can chalk some of that up to less sleep (Jackson gets up at 7:30 these days. I'm not a morning person. It's not always pretty for the first couple hours I'm awake). I can chalk some of it up to stress leftover from the deployment (don't judge. My life changed a lot with Jackson being born, Jake leaving 6 weeks later, adjusting to being a mommy "by myself" and then readjusting to having Jake home). There are various reasons that I've been grumpy lately, but a lot of the blame is on myself. I just handle things differently now, and I don't like it. So you know what? I'm gonna change it. I'm going to laugh more, walk around and dance in a sweatshirt and my underwear more, and sing in the shower. I'm going to start having fun again and being more spontaneous like I used to be. I'm shaking off the grumpies. I'm going to start LIVING and not just existing. It'll probably take a lot of ice cream and texts and shooting and time at the playground and music. But I'm going to be me again and brush of this stranger that I've become.

I apologize for baring my soul and not sharing a picture. I have a long list of pictures to blog and am going to start getting caught up ASAP!


About Claire

I'm a mommy and a photographer, and I've got the coolest husband ever. My photography journey is just getting started, but I can't wait to see where I go with it.